SHATTERED GLASS

This has been a very terrible day for me and the “most” terrible day for someone else! There has never been a day like this in my life ever! Right now, I feel so heavy, guilty and scared for a trust broken, a friendship ruined and a feeling devastated and wounded

I wish this heaviness that I am feeling right now would instantly disappear and this headache that is creeping in my head is just a result of another hard day’s work. But no, the reality is that an unforeseen conflict has happened and I do not know if things will ever be the same again.

Today, I hurt the feelings of a friend; a friend whom I would least and actually never want to hurt. I told her the truth and I’ve prepared myself for the worst scenario and consequences. But I never did expect that I would feel this heavy seeing her get hurt and shed tears. That’s the worst part ever, seeing her cry! It was truly heartbreaking and I felt like I was doomed to feel all the guilt and burdens that came along with the situation.

I lied. My intention of not telling her the truth at the very beginning was to protect her feelings. I definitely knew then that she’ll really get offended with that “trashy and lousy talk" about her. Yet too bad for me, who could be awarded for being the worst actor ever, she felt that something isn’t right and I’m hiding something from her. A lie is still a lie. And I know that it’s really a wrong thing to do! But at that moment, that is what I had thought to do. I was such a lame thinker that time! And I’ll definitely regret that! 

Would you rather lie in the idea of protecting someone’s feelings or just tell her something that is wounding straightforwardly? If I were you, what would you choose to do?

In the end, I still told her the truth and just like what I've been expecting right from the start, she really got mad! That is even an understatement I think! Imagine the feeling of seeing someone whose soul was broken and that look in the eye telling that I-did-nothing-wrong-with-you-why-have-you-done-this-to-me?

I hope that this shall pass. And I truly hope that it won’t be for a very long time. I rarely find people who are to be treasured as real friends and she is definitely one of them. To tell you honestly, breaking her trust and hurting her feelings would be the least thing that I’d ever do. I don’t really want to ruin my relationships with any of my “friends” because there are only a few of them. Most importantly, I would not want to lose any of them. Unfortunately, something unexpected happened and things have been said and done. The damage has been done and there is nothing else that I can do but to wait for her healing and forgiveness.

Rjp/022313

MISS AND LEARN

February 5, 2013, it was a Tuesday and everything seemed to be going on just fine. It really was until we got a call from our pathologist. I think I will never forget this happening ever! This was the first time that our pathologist got mad and scolded us. I don’t want to elaborate the details but the main point is negligence and fault on our part. Lucky enough, it was not a matter of life and death of a patient. I mean it wasn’t like we had the wrong blood typing or cross matching and the patient was transfused with the wrong blood or something. Thank God, it wasn’t something like that! But of course, as someone who is working in the medical field, everything that we do really matters and the laboratory results that we release are very crucial with regards to the diagnosis and treatment of our patients’ diseases.

As much as I want to save myself from humiliation, I can’t do anything but accept the fact that we did something wrong. Whether I was the one involved in the incident or not, I am still responsible for everything that’s happening inside the laboratory. I am the licensed one and my name is at stake in everything that we do. 

When I was talking to our pathologist, I was really embarrassed and if I could only melt down or disappear right at that moment, I would have done it! It was a good thing that it was just over the phone because if I was talking to her in person, I don’t really know what else to do. I was really speechless and I can’t even think of enough words to respond to what she was saying back then. I’m just very thankful that our pathologist is kind enough and she talked in the most professional and nicest possible way.But have you ever felt being so shameful of yourself and you could not even say a word to save yourself? Do you know the feeling that you wanted to say sorry but it even seemed inappropriate or not enough to say it right at that situation? But most of all have you ever felt being so outraged deep inside and you wanted to blame others for putting you in a situation where you were caught unaware of?

Well, there is no point in doing the blaming and pointing out. It will not solve the problem anyway. The damage has been done and you’ve got nothing to do but to deal with it. One thing I learned in this situation is that you really have to pay attention and give utmost care in your work as a healthcare professional. Be more vigilant! Be more careful! Be very careful! You see, we are saving the lives of our patients. And there should be no room for errors. Moreover, we should work as a team. Everything that we do can affect the others. Thus, if you commit something wrong, you are not only putting yourself into shame but the others as well.

When I was still in college, our professors used to reiterate the importance of sticking to the rules and always doing the proper protocol. But the reality can be very different sometimes. Sometimes we really have the tendency to be negligent and commit mistakes. Nonetheless, it’s the way that we handle and solve things that will matter more. Accept your mistake, be humble and sorry, and do something to correct your mistake.

Well, I have learned my lesson and I do hope not to do the same mistake again.

Note #1

My next two blog posts have been overdue because I’ve written them a few weeks/ days beforehand. I am posting right now because I just want to share what I’ve felt during those times. On moments when I can’t speak out my feelings, I opt to write it down and express whatever that comes out of my mind especially when I’m feeling troubled and sad. So let me just share it with those who get the chance to see my blog.