Note #1

My next two blog posts have been overdue because I’ve written them a few weeks/ days beforehand. I am posting right now because I just want to share what I’ve felt during those times. On moments when I can’t speak out my feelings, I opt to write it down and express whatever that comes out of my mind especially when I’m feeling troubled and sad. So let me just share it with those who get the chance to see my blog.

HOPELESS ROMANTIC

I rarely attend wedding ceremonies and I really get that oh-so-romantic feeling whenever I see lovers making vows to each other. Yesterday, we got to see a workmate make vow in front of God and all of us. It was a renewal of vows actually because she and her husband already got married through civil wedding almost a decade ago and it was just until now that they had decided to get married in the church.The saying of “I do”, the sweet love songs and the smiles of the bride and groom gave me that enthralling and enigmatic feeling of love and all that comes with it. 

I believe that all of us really wish and dream for a happily ever after. We dream of having that one true love to have and to live with for the rest of our lives and with whom we can share our journey and endeavors as the years will come. For a hopeless romantic like me, I really can’t help but try to think of having that same experience also, that immense feeling of loving someone and being loved back as well as that security of having someone who will be there to love and protect you through the years.

At this age, many already asked me whether I already have a boyfriend or not. And I already answered “NO!”for like a hundred times already. Sometimes I get annoyed because some people seem to make so much fuss about not having a boyfriend at my age. I’m single and it’s not really a big deal because I think that I’m still young and I’ve got so much more to go. I may not have found my one true love yet but I know he will eventually come. God will surely reveal him to me when the right time comes. On the other side though, there are also times when I get too pressured or should I say threatened because I still got no boyfriend. Many of the people I know, most of them actually, are in a relationship. Some of my friends are even married now and have children already. Sometimes, I get to ask if there is something wrong with me. Am I not lovable? Am I not that type of person who will get the attention of men? Or perhaps, just like some people have told me, I’m the type of person who is too choosy and sets standards and I may be overlooking someone who is already there because I’m trying to find my Mr. Perfect Guy. Someone even told me that some guys are just intimidated with me. That doesn’t sound so right, don’t you think so? How will they know how I will feel when in the first place they haven’t even tried their luck?

One friend of mine had this New Year’s wish of finding a boyfriend this year. I’m not too sure if I really want the same thing to happen with me but I do have hopes of finding a special friend ( laughs). I really want to find someone who can give me that “kilig” feeling again. Yes, again! Of course, we all have/had that “love or crush" who will give us that kilig factor and who will make us smile just by the sight of them but in my case I really have to forget that “someone” because I think that he’s not meant for me. Sad and disappointing! Hence, my goal for this year, move on and find a new crush! Just a new crush for now! HAHAHA :)

WELCOME TWO ZERO ONE THREE

Another story has been written down and the book has been closed. The 365 days of 2012 are over. Hence, as another 365 days come forth, we are again given those 365 pages to be filled with our experiences and stories in life; another 365 blank pages in which each of our stories is to be written down.

2012. How was it, by the way? How did it differ with the previous years? Was it good or bad? Usually, as a year comes to its end, we try to reminisce what had happened all throughout and we try to evaluate things and assess what impact had been made into us. Had it occurred to you the feeling like nothing had really happened and the year just passed with no great change and you say to yourself, “Hey, it’s still the same old me!” and then you say that you’ll do better next year? On the other point of view, you may feel like so much have changed on yourself and you’ve become a better person. The trials surpassed, the mistakes done, the lessons learned, the happy and sad moments, the frustrations, the successes and everything else have made you grow up into a person with wider perception, better judgment, more responsible bearing and improved wisdom. 

My 2012 had been quite a series of intertwined happiness and sadness, successes and failures, hopes and disappointments, boredom and excitement, optimistic dreams and sometimes melancholic reality. Some desires have been achieved yet some expectations have remained unmet. On the latter part, sometimes I feel hopeless and think that such things aren’t meant for me but then, when positivity surges inside of me, I just think that things are still in the making and all that I have to do is patiently wait and hope and continue working for it. There’s this one question that bothered one time. How will you know when you still have to continue believing and fighting for what you want and when it’s already time for you to give up and start chasing another dream? Well, I think it’s all about having faith. We just have to believe, try, wait and see what happens next. Things will unravel their mysteries in a succeeding manner. You just have to think that there is no such thing as a wasted moment or else you’ll end up regretting. Everything that happens fit into the big puzzle of life, whether good or bad. 

To tell you honestly, I think that 2012 wasn’t really the best year for me. I don’t know. I think things didn’t conspire to what I’ve wanted to happen. Or were my efforts not enough?  Perhaps, I was thinking that I did something but did nothing at all or that I did my best but I did not, actually. Now I am sounding like a very disconcerted person. If that’s the case, I need to be and do better this year. What’s the use of having another year if not to continue fulfilling your aspirations and making yourself a better one? You’ll do better next time! Never say die! Patience is a virtue! There’s always another chance! Just keep on believing! Things will be better! Clichés, aren’t they? But they still make sense somehow.

On the brighter side, 2012 had brought me joy because of the presence of a few good people. They were those who made me laugh, whom I made jokes and shared stories with. My family and friends were there with me throughout my journey. And I guess, despite of my frustrations, it’s really a great thing to think that there are people who listen to me and continue to support, help and inspire me all way long. And it’s a greater thing that I get to share my joys in those high moments with people who appreciate and value me and genuinely care for me. I am truly grateful for them! I thank God for giving me good people in my life.

What did each year constantly teach me? We can dream of anything freely. We can dream big and hope for great possibilities. We can always make our own plans and choices. But what reality offers is that we can’t do or have everything all at once. We have to work hard, persevere, and wait until everything that we did pays off.  I’ve always believe in “you reap what you sow”. You just have to be patient. And always have that faith in you. Sure thing is God will help you in achieving every goal. He may keep you waiting for some time. He may let you stumble to learn how to get up and continue pushing through. He will enlighten when you’re already on the wrong track. You just have to believe!

I truly hope that 2013 will be a better year for me! Welcome two zero one three! Please be good to me! :)


"2012 was a set of dates brought alive by memorable cloud 9 experiences, moments of meeting new people and reuniting with old friends, frustrations and giving up, new resolutions and decisions. Whether our plans be by baby steps, skip-and-hop, or somersaulting, our choices are what mattered in where we are at this start of the year. We do not expect 2013 to bring us good luck and to make our wishes come true, but rather, 2013 is a box we fill up as its days pass by. At the end, this box is a gift we give ourselves... to open a present full of memories and be able to wrap again another.. and another... " - J. Escote

 

SIMBANG GABI

Yearly, as soon as Christmas time arrives, one thing that I really anticipate is the Simbang Gabi. For the past years, which started back when I was in high school, I’ve been really doing my best to complete the 9 days of dawn masses.  I’ve been completing it most of the time. If I have an absent, I must be sick or there must be some valid reason. When I was in college, it was such a struggle because there were times when I had to attend the mass alone. It was a bit scary because there is always danger in walking alone most especially in that time of the day. But God had graciously kept me safe from any harm in a span of four years. How great is that? On the other side, it was really more enjoyable when there were many of us in the dorm who attended the mass together

They say that when you are able to complete the nine days of masses and you make a wish, it will surely come true. Well, to tell you honestly, it’s also one of my driving force and I think God had granted most of my wishes. I remember, I would almost cry when I had to wake up so early and I didn’t have enough sleep because I had to stay up late at night reviewing for my exams. It was a struggle and a sacrifice, too! And I think God has rewarded me very well for it! I graduated and passed the board exam and now I’m already a working professional.

This year, I really intend to complete another nine days of Simbang Gabi. But the ridiculous thing is that on the first day, I was late! I set my alarm clocks, yes, there were two of them. And yes, I was awakened and I turned them off, but I didn’t rise immediately. And guess what! In a matter of second, I drifted back into my sleep! I was awakened at around 4:45 (the mass starts at 4:00). I felt so sad and terrible! The thought of my record being ruined really troubled me. But an “angel” helped me. I texted a friend who attended the mass and expressed my dismay about not being able to wake up early. Surprisingly, she replied and told me that the mass is just in the homily part and I could still catch up. My spirit was lifted and I woke up my mom and we rushed and headed into the church. Well, technically, we were able to attend the mass. But it was not really that satisfying for me! I must not let it happen again! God help me!

Lessons learned? First, never ignore your precious alarm clock.Seriously! Second, it’s better to be late than never. 

I must and I will complete it! :)

SEIZE THE MOMENT

This is a bit late for me to write but anyway, I still want to share a few experiences that I had. The past weeks had been quite different, entwined with fortunate and unfortunate series of events.  Sometimes things can become such a mess because of some inevitable unlucky happenings. And yet, such despair or annoyance can be wiped out with simple, inexplicable joy resulting from precious moments that we experience especially when spent with people close to our hearts.

So I am writing these few cherished moments because it only happens once in a blue moon and can possibly not happen again. As I have said many bad things have happened for the past days but I opt not to go with those anymore. It will only spoil my mood. So I just want to tell my story.

My uncle who is living in Manila came to the province to attend some personal and family matters. You should know that when I say family matters, it can mean complicated and chaotic matters. But the good part is that it also means some get-together/reunions. Last December 8, Saturday, upon arriving from work, I and my mom went to our relative’s house. My mom’s two brothers, their aunt and a few cousins were there and we shared stories while having a merienda, an early dinner actually. It was such a very precious time because I got to see them talk and share stories. I really enjoyed listening to their stories which shifted from one topic to another. There, they discussed about problems, gossips, personal matters and anything that comes out of the blue. But do you know what I loved the most? It was seeing our family share laughter. It was a very rare, funny moment, indeed! I truly wish that it will happen more often.

Another story, last December 10, Monday, there was no electricity in the province- for the record, let me just say that the electricity was cut because of some annoying unpaid debt. Okay! So we had a quiet evening. We finished all the chores that had to be done when there was still daylight. When it got dark, we started preparing our dinner. Since we were anticipating that the electricity will not be restored instantly, we had to cook the meat and fish stored in the fridge. So my mom and my uncle did the cooking and everything else and all that I did was to hold the flashlight (laughs!). After then, we had a sumptuous dinner and everybody was full!

After dinner, my uncle went outside the house and stargazed. I followed. The stars were so beautiful! There were so many tiny illuminating lights above us, our only source of light aside from the flickering candlelight. It was such a splendor to see! My uncle even took a small chair and went to the middle of the garden and just looked up above. He even played music and sang along. 

One thing I realized from that one is that it’s also a good thing that we sometimes get detached from our busy, modern world. All of the times, we get too preoccupied with so many things and we already forget to take enjoyment from simple things, especially from the beauty of nature. For that instance, when there’s no electricity, people were just in their homes with their families, perhaps having talks or whatsoever with one another. How many times do we get to have the entire member of the family in just one place? There was no television, radio, laptop or even cellphone; hence, you get a moment of silence, away from the fuss of worldly stuff. We rarely have this kind of moment now. It is even very calming to just enjoy the silence and serenity of the world around you.

Rare things happen in unexpected circumstances. Thus, the best thing that we can do is to simply savor those moments for they might not happen again!